Like every self-respecting 35-year old woman, I have a subscription to Reader’s Digest.
That’s right, Reader’s Digest. I said it.
It’s one of my favorite magazines. Informative. Funny. Timely. Good stuff.
So, I have to say that I was pleased as punch to find an article in this month’s issue about NOT forgiving people. Yes, you read that correctly – NOT forgiving.
Let’s talk about Tiger Woods. Do I care what this guy did? No, not really. But the rest of the world seems to have an opinion. We’re forced to sit through his apologies and his tears so that he can return to golf after a 144-day *gasp* absence. He’s sorry, wah, wah, wah. Whatever. If he were a real man, he wouldn’t have cheated in the first place.
Elin, don’t forgive him. That’s what I say. Divorce his lying, cheating ass and take all of his money. You bore his babies and suffered through his B.S. You’re entitled to it.
But instead, a large portion of the world thinks that she should forgive him. Really, people? REALLY? Since when is it okay to CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE? Why do we expect her to forgive him when he was the one that did wrong?
We’ve gone too far with forgiveness. Spare me the whole, “It’s the Christian thing to do” bit. Sometimes, we are right to be angry. And forgiving doesn’t necessarily make us better. Forgiveness under the right circumstances is to be commended. But forgiveness because society “demands” it is a bunch of B.S. Public figures do wrong and think they can earn our respect again by apologizing…when most don’t really mean it, anyway. So what kind of mockery does that make of forgiveness?
In the Reader’s Digest article, Bob Brody writes in a somewhat tongue-in-cheek tone about hanging onto grudges. But what he writes, at the crux of the article, gets at what I truly believe – that your standards, no matter what they are, should not be compromised. That you are ENTITLED to be pissed off and hurt and angry at people who you love who know and betray you for their own personal gain. He writes, “A long-standing grudge suggests that we hold certain standards, that we respect ourselves enough to reject bad behavior. Failure to forgive can be just as righteous, just as honorable, as forgiveness itself.”
You said it, Bob.
A little over a year ago, I ended a friendship because this person betrayed me. I trusted her with something and she betrayed that trust…in fact, spit in the face of it. It was not the first time in our relationship that it had happened, so I made a decision – no more letting someone making me feel like a fool, especially not someone I called a friend.
We often cross paths when we are out – we share friends and some taste in music. We have both lost friends as a result of my decision to end our friendship. And I’ve tried to be the better person – sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. Sometimes I get downright angry. Often times, she tries her damndest to make me feel uncomfortable. It’s not a great situation all around, but I refuse to say, “Oh, it’s over and done with, I can be nice.”
You know what? I have every flipping right to be pissed.
I expect – no, I demand – certain basic things of the people I call my friends. Trust and loyalty are at the top of that list. If you can’t give me both of those, I don’t need you in my life. And I think that some violations of that trust and loyalty are worse than others. And some deserve not to be forgiven.
I have mastered the fine art of holding a grudge. And I make no apologies for it.
Sometimes, you just need to be able to say, “F*** you. You are not good enough for me.”
