Author Archives: Krissie

Moved…Moving…On

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I am finally finished. Moving. Seriously, I think moving is some sort of karmic revenge. If it is, whatever I did to piss the universe off must have been pretty severe, because this move has been the most stressful one I’ve ever had. Friends who offered to help bailing (thankfully, not Kelly and Matt, who were lifesavers for me), inordinate trips back and forth in the car, a bear of a time cleaning the old place. The list of “things not going the way I want them to” is endless.

But, at least it’s over.

Suffice it to say, I have an inordinate amount of stuff. Too much. All the trips up and down three flights of stairs have made me realize how much of a packrat I can be…and how desperately I need to start purging. I just don’t have room for all of this stuff!

I started with books. I have oodles. Most I haven’t touched in years. What’s the sense in holding onto them? I can’t get rid of all of them, obviously, I’m too much of a word junkie for that, but I AM making an effort to find good homes for a good third of them. I sold some to eCampus.com (who would have thought that 13 years after graduating college, some of my books would still be worth money?). I want to donate the others or find a used book store to give them to.

I also Goodwilled a bunch of kitchen and dining stuff. Old wineglasses, pots and pans, knife set, etc. Stuff that was just taking up room that I didn’t need anymore. Chucked the old wooden futon frame that’s been rotting on the deck for the last few years. Got rid of some lamps. Donating the computer monitor, since I haven’t turned on the old PC in months.

Next to go are my tapes. Yes, you heard me. Tapes. Cassette tapes. I probably have close to 300, and another whole box of 150 – 200 cassette singles. And another whole box of mix tapes. I figure there’s got to be a collector out there who would want the tapes and the singles, right? (Yes, you, collector, e-mail me, I’ll make you a SWEET deal). After all, who wouldn’t want a saccharine-filled collection of ’80s and early ’90s pop and hair metal?

From there, who knows what I’ll purge. But, it’s my new commitment to myself…to pare down. My next move (which I’m hoping won’t be for a few years) will NOT be this miserable.

To quote Shane Hines, “This I promise me…”

Every once in awhile….

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…people surprise me.

I tend (not surprisingly, I’m sure you’ll all find) to be one of those people that sees the glass as half empty. When it comes to other people, my theory has always been not to expect much. Experience has taught me that there are really very few people in the world that you can actually count on.

Today, however, someone surprised me – someone that I really barely know. So, I just wanted to thank my “stalker” for being a nice guy, and for reminding me (on a day when I really needed it) that people aren’t so bad.

Learning to Fly

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“And as I fall apart I learn to fly / A dirty bird like me will learn to fly….” – Carbon Leaf, “Learn to Fly”

I will freely admit to being naturally pessimistic. Not in a “the world is out to get me” kind of way, but more in a “if anything is going to go wrong, it will happen to me” sort of way. For instance, today, at Fresh Market, of the three cash register lines open, all about the same length, I chose the one that took the longest. Murphy’s Law, I am convinced, was not written about Murphy – it was written about me.

However, sometimes, even my inner pessimist is defeated by a secret inner optimist. Some things, I think, just lead to a feeling of “starting fresh.” Things like moving, making new friends, new jobs, and other significant life changes. When it comes to these things, perhaps we’ve all got a bit of some inner force championing happiness for us.

It’s not a secret that I’ve been feeling a little beat up for the past few years – like not much has gone my way. The last eight months, in particular, have been really hard on me. But, I’m not one who likes change very much. I take comfort in routine and pattern. I’m sure there’s some psychological root to this; in fact, I’m sure I could give you exact reasons why I am the way I am. But, I’m trying to recognize the things in my life that are keeping me from achieving being truly happy, and one of my biggest is my fear of change. But, I feel like this period of negativity in my life is ending, and that good things are in store. I don’t know why I feel this way, I just do. Like I’m on the cusp of big things….

Maybe it’s because I’m making changes. I started last year, started focusing on myself and the things that make me happy – taking a photography class, running more, going to shows on my own, taking vacations that I want to take without feeling guilty that I’m not spending all my time off with my family. In the last year, I visited more places than I have in the entire time I’ve been in Charlotte!

The next step is moving back to a one bedroom place on my own. The happiest I was in my time here in Charlotte was when I was living by myself; it’s also when things were going the best for me career-wise and socially. I don’t know if there’s a direct connection, but I think being back on my own is the healthiest thing for me right now. I’m branching out, re-establishing friendships that I’ve neglected and making new friends who I think will be positive influences on me, and cutting out others that aren’t healthy for me.

I tend to worry too much about what other people think of me, too. I don’t know why, but that’s gotten worse in the past five or six years. I fear being “disliked” by anyone. But that tendency, in particular, leads to negativity. Because rather than saying how I feel out loud, I suck it up and let people walk all over me. Or, I let the things I care about slip away for fear of upsetting someone. This, too, is something I’ve been working at for the past year. And I’m getting better about just saying how I feel…I’m also finding out, very quickly, who my friends are. I recently ended a friendship because this particular friend betrayed my trust on more than one occasion and managed, somehow, to always make me feel bad about myself. Breaking up a friendship might be worse than breaking up a relationship, especially when you share a lot of friends. It’s amazing how much venom I had toward that friend, and I really don’t know why. I think that our life views may have just been completely contradictory; not to say people who are different can’t be friends, but when one person’s way of life tramples another, I think it’s hard to respect people. The feeling, I think, was mutual and we tried to force the friendship…but it obviously wasn’t good for either of us. I know I look like the bad guy because I’m the one that made the decision to end the friendship, and I’m sure that there will be some people that don’t like me very much because of my decision…but the toxic feelings that I had been having are completely gone.

The change in this one friendship has made me realize how much hurt, anger, frustration and bitterness I hold onto. It’s not healthy and it really does drag down everything in my life. I don’t want the inner pessimist to win.

And so, I find myself at a stage in my life where I’m re-evaluating everything, from looking at my material possessions and saying “Do I really need that?” to my relationships with people and saying, “What do we offer each other?” And I think it’s good. While change might be difficult for me, it’s necessary right now. I’ve been stagnating, living in a bit of a cocoon. But spring has come and it’s time for me to come out. I may never be a butterfly, but I can certainly spread my wings.

Why I love sad music…

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“Oh lord, I’m not ready for this sort of thing…” – Counting Crows, “Anna Begins”

I’m always intrigued by what draws people to the music that they love. I have one friend who is happiest when she’s watching energetic pop-rock shows. I have another friend who adores jam band music, particularly stuff with great percussion. Me, it seems like I love as many different types of music as I have moods – a lot, trust me – but what I love the most is sad music. The gut-twisting, tears from nowhere, hysterical gasping for breath kind of sad.

I don’t think I realized this until recently when I was listening to my iPod on shuffle while I was working out and I kept having to forward through songs because everything was too mellow for being on the elliptical. But it got me thinking – why is it that sad music makes me feel better, even if it makes me emotional?

I have a live solo show recording of a young singer who typically fronts a pop-rock band. There’s a good bit of banter between him and the crowd and it’s a fairly upbeat show. But, at one point, he talks about how people who write songs and poetry just seem to have a stronger “sad” streak than other people in the world. This, I think, gets somewhat close to explaining the why I love sad music thing…

Art, in a lot of ways, is turning the details into the big picture for the world to see. Whether it’s a song, a poem, a picture, a film, a play, or a sculpture, the best art draws your attention to something you might normally miss and makes you feel it in some way. I think artists – writers, painters, sculptors – are hyper aware of everything by their nature. Some will argue with me, but I think this makes us more prone to feeling things in ways that other people don’t. I’m not sure of the right word to use here – ironic, I know. Do we feel things deeper? I don’t think that’s the word I want? More intensely? Or are we just more prone to hypersensitivity? I don’t know….But I just feel like that’s the way it is.

As a writer, the easiest thing for me to express is happiness. The hardest things are sadness and despair. Maybe because they are really internal and often well hidden. When it comes to music, the first thing I connect with in any song are the lyrics. I guess that’s the writer in me appreciating the words. And maybe because sadness is so hard for me to express….because the details of it are often buried in places the world can’t see and it takes work to bring them to light…maybe that’s why I find sad songs the most beautiful kind of art.

The Rock Boat Recap

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Every year, I come back from my annual rock n’ roll adventure on the sea with great intentions of writing about the experience…and every year, I fail. Epically. I think I have decided that it is relatively impossible to explain it to someone who has not experienced it. Take 30 artists/bands – most of them amazing – add many of my closest friends, a dash of margarita (and other beverages), the sunshine, and Caribbean air and you’ve got a recipe for something magical.

It was a terrific lineup this year and I feel like I saw more shows this year than I ever have before… And, oddly enough, spent more time with more friends than ever before. Rather than try to sketch out a day-by-day, I’m going to tackle my highlights (these are not in any special order):

1. Finally seeing Green River Ordinance live. After two years as a fan, the ultimate high point of TRBIX was getting to see this amazing quintet from Texas on stage. They were everything I knew they would be and more… It was such a treat to chat with them and get to know some of them, too. They are all such great kids, especially that J Whiskey fella. 🙂

2. Scott Feil’s Fan Club. Seriously, Scotty has got to be the most loveable…and loved…guy on earth. And his friends are all fantastic people. Erinn, Cory, Liz, Sujka…it was awesome spending time with you! And Scott, of course. Darlin’, is it possible for me to love you anymore? I’ll be eternally grateful to Will Hoge for bringing you into my world…

3. Aslyn. I’ve always managed to catch pieces of her sets on the Boat and last year, finally managed to work in a full set. This year, three of them. Aside from having a phenomenal set of pipes, there is no singer out there who I think captures the range of emotions women go through in a truer way. I can’t stop listening to The Dandelion Sessions.

4. Tonic. Back together. On The Rock Boat. Need I say more? “Mountain”…TWICE! Kevin’s shout outs to CW on his drum kit were a touching tribute to a musician who left us too soon.

5. Carbon Leaf…in particular, covering “Livin’ on a Prayer” and the whole entire Boat singing along at the top of their lungs. I got up the nerve to talk to Carter (3 double margaritas in) on the last night. Still can’t get near Barry without going dumb.

6. The rest of the Boat FINALLY getting how amazing Sam Thacker is. And Stephen Kellogg saying (about “The Last”) “I wish I’d written this song.” Yay… Sammy’s rock star is shining bright!

7. Lee and Peter. So glad I met these two fellas at The Heyday show back in October. Spent lots of time with them on the Boat… Happy they are my neighbors in Charlotte. Lee… breakfast at Panera soon!

8. Time with “my girls” & Mr. P. Michelle, Gail and Marc..I adore you all. Thanks for understanding me and being just as crazy in love with the music as I am.

9. Trevor Hall & Tyrone Wells. Both new for me, both wonderful. Can’t wait to get to know their music better!

10. Chocolate Melting Cake. Most likely better than sex.

11. Emerson Hart. This man’s live performances leave me speechless every time. There are very few musicians whose songs touch me in the way that Emerson’s do. And live…he is just so dynamic. Sujka called it…Part concert, part comedy show, part Dr. Phil session. All wonderful.

12. Gareth on board. The only person who can instantly make me smile just by walking into a room.

13. PAVE THE WORLD! I’d lost my voice by night two…Michael Tolcher was rocking it in the very crowded, very smoky casino bar. No way that he was going to hear me hollering. So I begged Lee to yell my “Pave the World” request. Tolcher: “You know what, I’m gonna do that for you!” The only thing that would have made it better would have been Christy singing along next to me. “The aliens are coming! What? The aliens are coming….Pave the world!”

14. Hanson sing along. On the last night, at Aslyn’s show, a Hanson and his wife ended up standing next to us. Aslyn asked the girls to sing one part, while the boys were to sing another. And that little Hanson sang along, smiling the whole time. Was nice to see one having a great time without being hounded by fans.

15. Wideawake and The Kin singing together. Scott Leger with Aussie brother harmony? Quite possibly perfection in music.

16. Katey and Scott airport time. I only get to see my friends from Birmingham once a year, and we’ve made hanging out on flights to and from TRB a tradition. I can only hope that when and if I meet my Mr. Right, we have as great a relationship as Katey and Scott do.

17. Inauguration. Watching Barack Obama become the 44th President of the U.S. was going to be emotional for me no matter where I watched it. But watching it in a room full of people who shared my pride in the moment was nothing short of beautiful. Applause every time they showed Obama or Biden. I actually teared up. There’s no place and no other people with whom I’d rather share the day…

There’s so much more, but nothing that I write can do it justice. It’s truly the most amazing experience every year. And despite losing my voice, getting an average of 3-4 hours of sleep a night, and spending ENTIRELY too much money…it’s SO worth it. BEST.VACATION.EVER.

Bring on Rock Boat X.