Category Archives: Friends & Family

My lifelines.

Happy Independence Day

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Happy Independence Day.

This weekend marks a big anniversary for me…ten years since Trevor, my boyfriend for whom I moved to North Carolina, and I broke up. (Somewhat ironically, it also snowed in North Carolina that weekend…a big snow that incapacitated everything!) Although I have been on dates since then and “seen” people for periods, I’ve been officially single since January 2000.

For Christmas, one of my closest friends, Kelly, got me a personalized concert ticket stub book – very flipping cool, even in today’s world of online tickets. Being an extreme sentimentalist, I save absolutely everything – so I have concert tickets dating as far back as 1992. This book is the perfect place to keep them all in one spot, rather than spread out through various scrapbooks and photo albums.

The other day, I began the process of gathering up ticket stubs and print outs of tickets and loading them into the book. We all know my life revolves around music these days, but looking through all these old stubs brought back so many memories and reminded me of how at one time, music wasn’t the center of my world.

While I’ve always loved music more than the average bear – and despite the fact that it pains me to give him credit for anything – Trevor is the reason that I got into going to see live music. You can see that in these ticket stubs – there are dozens from when we were together. Our first Counting Crows show together in New Jersey. Our first big show after moving to Charlotte – Pearl Jam at the Bi-Lo Center in Greenville. The music festivals in uptown Charlotte. The first time we went to Tremont Music Hall (Better than Ezra). Seeing Ben Harper in 1999 in a community college gymnasium before anyone knew who he was. I remember ALL of them…

I can’t express in any real way how heartbroken and alone I was when our relationship ended. Here I was, in a city where I’d lived for only a year and a half. My boyfriend, best friend, and man I thought I was going to marry had just told me that he didn’t want me in his life. My family was 600 miles away. I had very few friends here, and didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Luckily, I had one friend who jumped in to save me when I was lost and alone. I moved in with her and my journey of self-discovery began.

That also marks the year where I became a true live music junkie. Looking at the ticket stubs from that first year alone makes me smile…

In my first month as a single girl, Debbie and I going to see Vertical Horizon and Stroke 9. I remember dancing and singing and jumping around at the show, and remember falling in love with Stroke 9 – “Nasty Little Thoughts” became the soundtrack to my spring and summer that year.

In April of 2000, going to see Bruce Springsteen – my first show seeing him with E-Street. Waiting in line, doing the ticket lottery, getting horrible seats, but not caring because I was going to see Bruce with E-Street. Getting there before doors opened, being some of the first people into the Coliseum, sitting in our hideous seats, being “found” by the men in black and getting moved to the second row. One of my all time greatest life moments.

In June, seeing Bon Jovi for the first time live. Being a proud, card-carrying Jersey girl, you can imagine how significant this one was for me. And it was a special show, a fundraiser for a local radio station, so it was held in that same community college gymnasium where I’d seen Ben Harper. They did it as a “Storytellers” kind of set up, with all the guys sitting on stools and talking about the songs. It was amazing.

In July, going with Kierstin to see Poison and Cinderella at what was then Blockbuster Pavilion. She’d won lawn seats and we ended up getting upgraded to actual seats and thought that was the coolest thing in the world. Poison was horrendous, but Cinderella was fantastic. And god, did we laugh…and laugh.

Cowboy Mouth at a local bar that summer. The bar had become where Debbie and I hung out. Summer, beer, and my first Cowboy Mouth show. They’re not my favorite band, but they do bring back great memories.

Another first, seeing Third Eye Blind in August – my birthday present from Debbie. It was right after Blue came out, their staging was over the top and lavish. We were on the lawn, drinking beer and laughing, and I remember them playing “Semi-Charmed” at the end of the night and thinking that I could never ask for anything better than that moment.

Joe and Sting in September. Joe had an extra ticket, thanks to a breakup, and took me to the show. I wasn’t more than a very casual Police fan before that night, but seeing Sting live turned me into a big fan.

Probably one of the most significant shows that year, Counting Crows with Live at Blockbuster Pavilion. I was a Counting Crows fan before I met Trevor, became a bigger one while we were dating, and I think, if it’s possible, have become an even bigger one since. I was bound and determined to go to this show. Despite the fact that none of my friends wanted to shell out for the ticket cost, I bought a 3rd row ticket. It was the first show I’d ever gone to by myself, and it will always be one that stands out in my mind. I remember being enraptured by Adam on stage – the show where I began to really admire him as a writer. And Adam and Ed singing “Dolphin’s Cry” together at that show will forever be one of my favorite concert memories.

2000 was also the year I found Wil Seabrook. While I have no concert stubs for those shows (most of them were in bars or at festivals), it was in June and July of that year that I made my first true “indie music” discovery with Wil and the guys. I went to see them so many times that summer and fall. It was magic for me…listening to a band that not many other people knew, really getting to know the musicians and hear straight from the horse’s mouth the meaning behind the songs…I was intoxicated. And we all know that since then, there’s been no looking back.

And it goes on from there, year after year, the number of shows each year just increases. That magic happening over and over again. And while sometimes I get sad about being the lonely single girl, there’s not a doubt in my mind that I’ve found love. Music is my one true love and passion. It has given me so much.

I have jokingly called the day Trevor and I broke up “Independence Day,” but all jokes aside, that moniker is somewhat appropriate. Because had he and I not broken up, I may not have ever discovered Wil, or gone to that first show by myself (and discovered my ability to do it on my own), or seen Springsteen from the second row. Looking at all of these ticket stubs makes it so evident to me that everything happens for a reason. I had my slip and fall senior year in college so that I would reconnect with Trevor and move to North Carolina, which led to our eventual break up. That break up – the worst moment of my adult life at that time – was the start of everything that is so critical to who I am now.

So, on my Independence Day, a reminder to all of us that things are never really what they seem. Because while in the moment, that heartbreaking, wrenching, “worst thing that ever happened to me” incident seems like it will crush your spirit, sometimes it is the thing that will lead you to find out who you really are, to discover your passions, and to ultimately shape your life.

Laundry List

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Prepare for a boring, state-of-the-Krissie-union blog. You may just want to skip it.

It’s Monday night. I should be cleaning my apartment and preparing for my family’s arrival this weekend for Easter. Instead, I’ve been working on updating this blog and getting caught up on all things internet. It’s been a busy month…and I’m ready for things to slow down. Unfortunately, that’s not going to be happening anytime soon!

So yes, the family is coming down this weekend. I’m usually the one to travel, so it’s nice to be staying put for once. Not sure what I’m going to do to entertain everyone for three days, but I can pretty much guarantee that there will be a lot of Scrabble action.

I’m also less than two weeks away from Charlotte Racefest. This will be my third half-marathon in as many years. I have to admit – I have not trained as well as I should have for this one. A little overly confident going in, but now that it’s getting close, I’m really getting anxious. This is going to be a tough course, I think, more like Nashville than Virginia Beach (in other words, not as flat). I’m shooting for a goal time of 2:15 to finish. That would be a 13 minute improvement over my time for VA Beach last year. Ambitious, I know…and I’m going to feel super disappointed in myself if I don’t make it, but I have to push myself!

Work is quite busy right now and we’re coming up on three conferences in a row. Needless to say, once my race is wrapped up, I’ll be in a work zone until mid-May.

And, of course, I will have a few musical distractions to keep me singing happy songs…Tim Brantley, Will Hoge, Bruce, Amos Lee.

It will be Memorial Day before I know it…

And then, summer is here. I haven’t really decided what I’m going to do this summer for a vacation, if I take one at all. I do have one 3-day weekend that I’ve scheduled to go down to Isle of Palms for the weekend…Tonic and Green River Ordinance playing at The Windjammer. Want a combination that can’t be beat…give me the beach and two great bands, plus, good friends coming along for the journey (and hopefully, some Feil brothers in attendance to put the icing on the proverbial cake).

Speaking of friends, I’ve had a lot of solid “friend” time over the past four weeks. That makes me happy…I’m also surprised at how some of my friendships are changing. There’s a few that have been really “in flux” lately. Some of that is good, some of it is sad and hard to swallow. I hate watching friendships fade, but I guess it happens as life moves on. People get to different places in their lives and don’t understand what the other one is going through, despite their best attempts to do so. Yes, sometimes there are circumstances that lead to the closure of friendships, but more often than not, it seems to be just a gradual distancing. The time between phone calls gets longer, visits get shorter, your views diverge radically where they once were very similar, tempers flare, feelings get hurt and not discussed because it seems like too much effort…and before you know it, the friendship is gone. *sigh* Like I said, sad. But sometimes, it happens and you just have to think upon your once friend with fond memories and move on…No hard feelings, lots of love, and a wish for them to be happy.

2009 seems to be a year in flux for me. Moving. Friendships changing. The job becoming something entirely different than it once was. Despite the roller coaster up and down of it all, I feel surprisingly at peace. I’m trying to be more open minded about things. Trying to let the little things go. Meeting new people. Challenging myself. Setting new goals. A veritable laundry list of self-improvement items is getting checked off and tallied.

It feels good.

Every once in awhile….

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…people surprise me.

I tend (not surprisingly, I’m sure you’ll all find) to be one of those people that sees the glass as half empty. When it comes to other people, my theory has always been not to expect much. Experience has taught me that there are really very few people in the world that you can actually count on.

Today, however, someone surprised me – someone that I really barely know. So, I just wanted to thank my “stalker” for being a nice guy, and for reminding me (on a day when I really needed it) that people aren’t so bad.

Learning to Fly

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“And as I fall apart I learn to fly / A dirty bird like me will learn to fly….” – Carbon Leaf, “Learn to Fly”

I will freely admit to being naturally pessimistic. Not in a “the world is out to get me” kind of way, but more in a “if anything is going to go wrong, it will happen to me” sort of way. For instance, today, at Fresh Market, of the three cash register lines open, all about the same length, I chose the one that took the longest. Murphy’s Law, I am convinced, was not written about Murphy – it was written about me.

However, sometimes, even my inner pessimist is defeated by a secret inner optimist. Some things, I think, just lead to a feeling of “starting fresh.” Things like moving, making new friends, new jobs, and other significant life changes. When it comes to these things, perhaps we’ve all got a bit of some inner force championing happiness for us.

It’s not a secret that I’ve been feeling a little beat up for the past few years – like not much has gone my way. The last eight months, in particular, have been really hard on me. But, I’m not one who likes change very much. I take comfort in routine and pattern. I’m sure there’s some psychological root to this; in fact, I’m sure I could give you exact reasons why I am the way I am. But, I’m trying to recognize the things in my life that are keeping me from achieving being truly happy, and one of my biggest is my fear of change. But, I feel like this period of negativity in my life is ending, and that good things are in store. I don’t know why I feel this way, I just do. Like I’m on the cusp of big things….

Maybe it’s because I’m making changes. I started last year, started focusing on myself and the things that make me happy – taking a photography class, running more, going to shows on my own, taking vacations that I want to take without feeling guilty that I’m not spending all my time off with my family. In the last year, I visited more places than I have in the entire time I’ve been in Charlotte!

The next step is moving back to a one bedroom place on my own. The happiest I was in my time here in Charlotte was when I was living by myself; it’s also when things were going the best for me career-wise and socially. I don’t know if there’s a direct connection, but I think being back on my own is the healthiest thing for me right now. I’m branching out, re-establishing friendships that I’ve neglected and making new friends who I think will be positive influences on me, and cutting out others that aren’t healthy for me.

I tend to worry too much about what other people think of me, too. I don’t know why, but that’s gotten worse in the past five or six years. I fear being “disliked” by anyone. But that tendency, in particular, leads to negativity. Because rather than saying how I feel out loud, I suck it up and let people walk all over me. Or, I let the things I care about slip away for fear of upsetting someone. This, too, is something I’ve been working at for the past year. And I’m getting better about just saying how I feel…I’m also finding out, very quickly, who my friends are. I recently ended a friendship because this particular friend betrayed my trust on more than one occasion and managed, somehow, to always make me feel bad about myself. Breaking up a friendship might be worse than breaking up a relationship, especially when you share a lot of friends. It’s amazing how much venom I had toward that friend, and I really don’t know why. I think that our life views may have just been completely contradictory; not to say people who are different can’t be friends, but when one person’s way of life tramples another, I think it’s hard to respect people. The feeling, I think, was mutual and we tried to force the friendship…but it obviously wasn’t good for either of us. I know I look like the bad guy because I’m the one that made the decision to end the friendship, and I’m sure that there will be some people that don’t like me very much because of my decision…but the toxic feelings that I had been having are completely gone.

The change in this one friendship has made me realize how much hurt, anger, frustration and bitterness I hold onto. It’s not healthy and it really does drag down everything in my life. I don’t want the inner pessimist to win.

And so, I find myself at a stage in my life where I’m re-evaluating everything, from looking at my material possessions and saying “Do I really need that?” to my relationships with people and saying, “What do we offer each other?” And I think it’s good. While change might be difficult for me, it’s necessary right now. I’ve been stagnating, living in a bit of a cocoon. But spring has come and it’s time for me to come out. I may never be a butterfly, but I can certainly spread my wings.