Category Archives: Life in general

Things that are on my mind.

It’s been awhile, Internet.

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There was a time when I would write on my blog…a lot. Good ol’ jrzygyrl.com has been around in some way, shape or form since 2001. Back then, I wrote on it daily, like a diary. I look back on those entries now and cringe a little, seeing what I thought was okay to put on the Internet. Yikes.

Then I met some friends who loved music like I did. They introduced me to bands and artists I didn’t know, and started going to shows, buying more music, getting outside of my musical boundaries. And I loved talking about it. So I wrote. Slowly, jrzygyrl.com morphed into a music blog. And it was pretty good for awhile there.

Then my job got all adult and my Mom got sick, and I found myself wanting to be online less and less. I was tired of writing by the time I got home from work. I was worried about my Mom, stressed out about something at the office, wanted to blow off steam by grabbing a beer at a show, rather than sitting down and writing. Nights would come when I knew I should put out a blog post and I would half-ass something and throw it up. I didn’t even proofread or spell check. The horror.

And I hate how the page looks, but web designer I am not. So there’s that, too. It’s like going into the room in your house with the ugly wallpaper. You hate being in there because it makes you feel bad with its ugliness.

The worst part? I stopped reading other people’s blogs. Blogs I love. Partly because there aren’t enough hours in the day, partly because it depressed the shit out of me that I knew I could be doing it, too…and I just didn’t have it in me.

This year has been pretty tough. Mom got really sick; she passed away in August. I think it’s just now really starting to hit home. I cry a lot. I watched “This Is Us” tonight and about lost it when one of the characters started talking about losing his Dad. I wrote a little bit about the stuff with work before; it’s been a challenging 14 months, to say the least. I let some friendships go. Hard, but let me tell you, when your life feels like it is falling apart, you realize who will be there for you. And it’s not always the people you think. Despite all of this, or maybe because of it, I’m starting to find myself again. Or maybe a new version of myself. The hard stuff changes you.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot…writing. I actually miss it, which I suppose is a good sign.

And now, here I sit. Cursor taunting me. A double-dog “I dare you to write.”

But what in the blue blazes do I write about? Two nights ago, I actually contemplated that I should write a message to door guys everywhere to learn how to put on freaking wristbands. Then Shelia posted an Instagram photo of her wristband last night, and I knew I had to write it.

So tonight I’m going to show. And because I have to make myself write SOMETHING, I will be back tomorrow with proof of my hack job wristbanding.

Ya gotta start somewhere.

P.S. To be completely honest, I did not proofread or spell check this blog, either.

Memories: My First Rock Boat Moments

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Last night, I found myself at Target in the “travel size” aisle, which can only mean one thing: THE ROCK BOAT IS NEAR!!  With just about 75 days to go until TRB14, I am in two states of mind:  1)  Sheer panic that I haven’t gotten back on that work out train that I promised myself that I would this year so I will love myself in pictures and 2) Utterly excited for what is always the best week of my year.

I went on my first Rock Boat in 2003 with a group of 10 friends that have these days scattered due to marriage, kids, and life.  Anyway, I had no idea then that The Rock Boat and the community that surrounds it would ten years later be the source of my favorite memories, turn me on to ridiculously good music, introduce me to people all around the world who have become my best friends, and ignite a passion for “discovering” and helping to promote unknown bands.

There’s a lot I remember about my first Rock Boat, but there are two vivid music memories that today I would call “Rock Boat Moments.”  The kind of moment that is so awesome that everything else around you goes quiet.  When you catch yourself holding your breath because you literally forgot to breathe.  So because it’s almost Christmas and you can never have enough nostalgia (and for Miranda, who I am trying to convince to come on her first Boat)… My first Rock Boat moments.

1)  Meeting Cary Pierce from Jackopierce.
Backstory: It was 1993.  I was a freshmen in college and being exposed to all kinds of new stuff after living a relatively sheltered first 18 years. I bought the very first AWARE compilation from the campus bookstore, and Jackopierce’s “Vineyard” was track 3. My obsession with the song was instantaneous – the hopeless romantic in me pictured falling in love with a boy during a summer romance and having him chase me until I agreed to stay on the Vineyard for the year with him (ironically, the first boy I met at WC, who ended up becoming a very good friend, had a summer house on The Vineyard).

Ten years later, I find myself on The Rock Boat, where Cary Pierce, one half of Jackopierce, is playing. I’d seen Jackopierce a few times, but never in a million years did I think I would ever MEET them.  I’d met an amazing couple at The Rock Boat pre-party the night before, and we went to see Alex Woodard play within a few hours of getting on the Boat.  While we were sitting at the show waiting for it to start, Cary walked right in front of

me.  I mean five feet from me.  I gasped as he walked by, and Gina looked at me and said, ‘What?”  I said, “That was Cary Pierce!”  She asked who he was, and I gave her the short version of what I just said above.  So she goes, “Well, you have to meet him then!”  and leapt out of the booth to chase him down.  The next thing I knew, Cary freaking Pierce was standing in front of me.  “Hi, I’m Cary,” he says.  And me, ever brilliant…. “I know.”  Anyway, he was a complete sweetheart and asked if I wanted to take a picture.  I just nodded.  And here it is…

Me and Cary Pierce, The Rock Boat, 2003.

Me with Cary Pierce, The Rock Boat, 2003.

I love this picture for so many reasons.  First of all, it was probably my very first “personal” Rock Boat moment. Secondly, Cary is just the most adorable thing ever.  Thirdly, I look like a 5 year-old on Christmas morning. Could I be cheesing any harder? Look at the way I’m holding my hands together!  And finally…I was SOOO skinny, and I LOVED those pants.

2) The Edwin sings in the casino at 3 AM moment. No, really.  It was 3 AM.  This will make sense to some of you.
Backstory:  The summer after my sophomore year in college, Rob made me a tape of a band he said was going to be huge.  They were called Hootie and the Blowfish.  By the third week of my junior year, I’m pretty sure the girls on the hall were considering evicting me from the dorm because I played “Let Her Cry” approximately 50 times a day.  I set about learning everything about them… which led to Edwin. And a new obsession was born. After I moved to North Carolina in 1998, it became pretty easy to see Edwin regularly, and he rocketed into my Top 10 musicians of all time.

So, two days in on the Boat, I’d met a fella (we’re still friends today!), and we’d spent the better part of the evening sitting in the back at a few shows … and we ended up in one of the dining rooms eating pizza at 2:30 in the morning (Emerson Hart sat two tables over from us…I lost my shit) before we parted ways.  As I tipsily walked my way back toward my cabin, I was coming down a hall when I heard a very familiar voice singing… It was 3 AM, and I came around the corner and ran smack into Edwin McCain playing with another musician (Francisco Vidal, for all my TRB folks reading this) in the casino bar.  There might have been 20 people watching him.  I stood there, transfixed, watching this performer whose songs I knew inside out, sing to me and a handful of other people like we were the only people in all the world.  He was clearly having a blast, and while he has probably had many more nights like it in his time, it is a moment that I will never forget, and one that will always live in my best memories.  Edwin’s back on The Rock Boat this year… can’t wait!

There really is nothing like The Rock Boat.  Sixthman, the company that started The Boat almost 14 years ago, has created an experience that is truly unmatched. I go on this trip, and just know that these types of moments are going to happen…not just once, or twice, but over and over again. Because it’s happened year after year for me. Writing out these memories that live in my head only makes me all the more excited about heading back out on the high seas with great music and great friends … and more Rock Boat moments.

More Rock Boat:  What the heck is The Rock Boat? | Okay, so what bands are playing this year? | Damn, I need to book a cabin.

Reason To Bleed

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Last year, I stumbled upon the music of Matt McCloskey while looking for something new to listen to.  One listen to his Hard Rains EP and I was hooked.  I have described the sound before as a more accessible Ryan Adams, but it’s more than that. His songs ask the questions that I am facing in my own life right now, questions that at some point I guess every adult asks themselves:  Am I happy with who I am?  What am I doing with my life?  Is it enough?

Steven Bush, a film maker in Austin, chronicled Matt’s battles with these types of questions and his pursuit of songwriting.  The result, a documentary entitled Reason to Bleed, is set to be released in August.  As I sat and watched the trailer on my lunch break today, tears pricked at my eyes.  Takes guts to put yourself out there like that, in your songs, and now, in film.  Gives me mad respect for this incredible songwriter.

The Hard Rains has been taken down from iTunes, but you can download it for free over on NoiseTrade (at least for the time being).

Check out the trailer.  Then go listen to Matt.


More Matt McCloskey:  Web | Facebook | Twitter |

The Life Part of Music.Love.Life.

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The thing I love about my little “Music.Love.Life” tagline (one day the URL will free up and I’ll nab it) is that it means multiple things to me.  Usually on this blog, you guys see one side:  music being a big part of my life. But today’s post isn’t about music.

The “life” part of the tag exists for other reasons, too.

Sixteen years ago today, I fell.  Hit my head.  Pretty hard. (I know, it explains a lot.) Walked around for a few days with a pretty bad headache. Went to the doctor when it wouldn’t go away.  Had a fun little CAT scan, followed by an even more fun ride on a state trooper helicopter.  Too bad I don’t remember that part – by that time, they had me loaded up on pain medication.

See, when I fell, I gave my noggin’ a pretty good shake.  Enough to sheer some blood vessels that caused some blood to leak out and put extra pressure on my brain (hence, the headache).  All the paperwork says “Epidural hematoma,” but my Dad swears it was subdural (he’s a doc, saw the CAT scan).  Either way, same kind of effect.  Made me a little wonky, and required some drilling into my skull to get that blood off and relieve the pressure. Over that week in the hospital, I learned how serious my injury was and how lucky I was … I had a great neurosurgeon, amazing nurses, and family, friends and sorority sisters that were by my side the whole time.

I was 21 when it happened, in the middle of my senior year of college.   Although I was back at school in two weeks (with half of my hair missing!), the whole thing changed my life.  I vowed to reconcile with people I’d had issues with, I promised myself I’d live every day, love my family and friends more, etc., etc.  And I did.  Hell, me mending fences with someone I’d loathed since high school resulted in us dating and me moving to North Carolina.

But sixteen years later, I find myself sitting here on the anniversary of my fall and realizing that I’ve forgotten that resolution to live life to its fullest. The past couple of years have stressed me out to the point where I don’t even recognize myself some days.  Yes, I go out, I do things, I live, I have fun…but more often than not, my brain is working overtime thinking about other things. Work, Mom’s illness, friend drama, lack of a love life, lack of money … Instead of living, I’ve been worrying, stressing, being angry, being hurt, being sad … and I need to stop. Now. It’s not me.

I need to get back to the Krissie that laid in that hospital bed for a week, dreaming of all the things I was going to be, the fears I was going to conquer, the people I was going to love, and the adventures I was going to have if I could just get out of there.

My dear friend Stacy gave me the coffee mug pictured above for my birthday. “Live with passion” is on one side.  The other says  “The universe knows.”  Something about that mug made Stacy think of me…I’d like to think it’s because she knows me and knows that if I’m going to do anything, I do it all the way.  But maybe she gave it to me as a reminder because she’s watched me fall into this rut.  And as I sit here, looking at the mug, I’ve decided it’s my new motto.

“Live with passion.”

Life’s too short not to.

The Gifts of a Bad Year

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As I sat in a fancy, schmancy hotel surrounded by some of my best friends watching one of my favorite songwriters sing “Old Lang Syne” on Friday night, I couldn’t help but be thankful that 2010 had finally ended.  It’s not been the best year for me and my family; in fact, I’d hazard saying that it was the worst year of my life.  Funny, though, how when your eyes are blurred by tears brought on by hard, heartbreaking events, you sometimes have the clearest vision of your world.  Amidst the bad things happening in 2010, I was given so many gifts.  I take so much for granted in my life – 2010 reminded me of all the people and things that I am truly lucky to have in my life.

As many of you know, my Mom was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in July.  It’s been a really horrific fight for her, and the last six months have seemed like an eternity.  Severe dehydration during her chemo treatment put her into septic shock and we came very close to losing her.  Her body has been through so much, and the emotional toll it has taken on her, my brother, sister and me, as well as many of our other family members, has been taxing.   I have spent the last five months being angry that this happened to my Mom, scared to death that I would lose her, worried about how we’re going to pay for everything, and heartbroken for her because this has completely changed her life.  And yet, despite all of those negative feelings, the good somehow shines through the bad.  In December, she was finally physically strong enough to have surgery to remove the tumor and we hope that we’ll soon have an “all clear.”  She’s had access to some of the best oncologists and surgeons in the country, thanks to where she lives.  The care she received at the Hospital at the University of Pennsylvania was beyond amazing.  I cannot possibly express my gratitude to everyone there who played a role in her care and recovery – but most especially the nurses.  If you’ve never had to sit in a hospital for days on end, you could never fully grasp the depths of compassion, knowledge, and hard work these people do every day.  I was astounded, over and over again, by the kindness shown to my Mom, and to our family, by these wonderful people who were complete strangers but cared for my Mom as if she was their own mother.  The biggest gift that 2010 gave me was the gift of my Mom:  she’s still here with us, and we remain optimistic that she will be cancer-free.

Beyond the obvious, Mom’s illness has also had an impact on my relationship with my family.  Since moving to North Carolina almost 13 years ago, my time with my family has been limited. I have been able to spend so much time with my Mom this year and feel much closer to her.  The same goes for my brother and sister, who have been unbelievably strong through this whole ordeal, bearing a lot of the burden because they area geographically closer to Mom.  There was hardly a day that went by during Mom’s six weeks in the hospital this year that one of us wasn’t there with her, and a lot of times, it was them.   My Dad and my stepmom have been incredible resources and pillars of strength for me.  Anytime I had a medical question, I was lucky enough to have them to turn to, and they were there, no matter what time of night I needed them.  My Gran, despite fighting through a severe illness of her own this year, was her same strong self, insisting upon feeding us when we were home, giving us money, and making what couldn’t have been easy physical trips for her up to the hospital to see my Mom. My Uncle Bull, my Mom’s brother, was so supportive and although his work schedule is extremely taxing, he took what little free time he had to visit Mom in the hospital, drive me to the airport, send text messages to check in, take care of stuff at Mom’s house while she was sick, or whatever we needed from him. My great Uncle Jack and Aunt Barb, who would do anything for their family, doing the same, making sure we were fed, checking on us constantly.  Not a day went by when my Aunt Nina, my Dad’s sister-in-law, who has remained friends with my Mom over the years, didn’t check in during Mom’s illness.  The same holds true for our extended family of friends and neighbors, who reached out over and over again to let us know we weren’t alone and to help whenever we needed it.  I am forever grateful for that, and count my family among the biggest gifts of 2010.

With everything that happened with my Mom, my own friendships really got neglected.  But that didn’t stop my friends – my other family – from being the most incredibly supportive group of people on the planet.  It’s true what they say; that when you’re in crisis, you find out who your true friends are.  I will never be able to repay my friends for what they’ve done for me and my Mom over the past few months.  From sending Mom cards, flowers and gifts (Christy and Andrew, Michelle, Kelly and Matt, Stacy, Lee, Kim, Peter, Jen, Shelia, Denise and Sue), to offering and giving me air miles to fly home at the last minute (Christy, Kelly and Matt), just calling to tell me they were thinking about my Mom (so many of you!), letting me cry on their shoulder (too many to list), cooking me dinner (Annie and Brad), or getting me out of the house for a few hours to forget about everything for awhile (a whole wide range of you and the staff at The Gin Mill, of course).   I would give my right arm (and leg) to be able to give back to my friends an ounce of the love they have showed me and my family.  My friends are always some of my biggest blessings, but this year, they are even more so.

I don’t often talk about work because I prefer to keep my work life and personal life separate, but I can’t possibly talk about the gifts of this last year without talking about my job.  I am so very lucky to have an employer who from the very moment I told them about my Mom’s illness, has been absolutely incredible.  At every level, from my direct manager on up to the CEO and founder of the company, I have received nothing but support.  Not once did I question my job’s security.  They allowed me the flexibility to take the time I needed to be with my Mom during her illness and work remotely when I could.  And, to top it all off, despite being out more than I have been in nearly 13 years with the company, I received a promotion at the end of the year.  I cannot be anything but grateful for working for a company that puts family first.

No blog from me would be complete without talking about music.  Music always inspires me, makes me happy, consoles me, and provides a soundtrack to my life.  This year, it did all those things, but with even more intensity.  I had a spectacular music year – where do I even begin to talk about it?  The highlight of my music year was finally, FINALLY getting to meet and see Christopher Jak perform.  Jak has been in my Top 5 artists since I first heard him in 2003, but I’d never been able to see him live.  So when the team at Rock by the Sea invited him to perform, I was without words.  His two performances were everything I expected and more.  A close second was seeing Alpha Rev live for the first time – the other band in my Top 10 that I’d never seen before.   Let’s just say that Casey McPherson is even more magical live…and I have a massive musical crush on Brian Batch.  If you ever want to watch someone absolutely crush an electric violin performance, I highly recommend getting your ass out to see this band.   The Influence continues to become a bigger and bigger part of my musical landscape, and the release of their new album, Falling Objects, was one of my favorite musical moments this year – the best release of the year, in my opinion.  Grace Potter – new album and two live shows this year.  Hello amazing.  And let’s not forget those Sequoyah Prep School kids.  The second half of the year was sadly a little lacking in shows from them, but they managed to tie The Influence boys for the band I saw most this year – six times in total. I’m eagerly anticipating the release of their new album in 2011.  And, lastly, thanks to the generosity of my bestie Christy and her wonderful fiance, I closed out the year with an intimate performance from the ever talented Emerson Hart, sitting less than 10 feet away from the man himself…there are worse ways to spend a New Year’s Eve, my friends.  Yes, indeed, music is a big gift from 2010.

One thing that has been missing from my life for a long time is writing.  I write every day for work, and occasionally here for the blog, but I haven’t earnestly tried to write anything for enjoyment in years.  Thanks to a challenge from my partner-in-crime Shelia, that changed this year.  The gauntlet was thrown:  sign up for NaNoWriMo and write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. I completely and totally failed – only managed to get to 10K.  But, in failing, I succeeded.  I brought writing back to my life.  I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it, how exhilarating the process could be, how much I enjoyed creating characters.  In 2011, writing will be more a part of my life.  So thank you Shelia for encouraging the writer in me, and giving me the gift of writing again.

I could go into a list of a million other things that brought me happiness in 2010 – being asked to be the maid-of-honor at Christy and Andrew’s wedding, photography, silly things like Guinness and Hawaii Five-0 – and it would probably take pages and pages.  As I sweep 2010 out the door and welcome 2011, I can only hope that 2011 brings me more gifts like the ones I received in 2010.  2010 may have been the worst year of my life, but somehow, that makes the good things, big and small, matter even more.