I leave for The Rock Boat in four days. I should be fired up and happy and counting the seconds impatiently.

Instead, I’m sitting here on my couch, tearing up at commercials and Larry King and whatever other crap is on TV at midnight. And I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why.

I’m just sad. It makes me crazy. And I can’t sleep, so I just stay up, surfing the internet, watching useless TV, turning shit over and over and over in my head. Work. Friendships that are dying. Missing my family. Moving. Financial stuff. Loneliness.

And when I think and think and think, I find so much fault with myself. There’s so much I wish I could change, so many things I wish I had done differently. Do you ever just wish you could start over? I wish that every day…

And it’s a sad thing, to wake up everyday, wishing that. Trust me.